Letter to myself

Dear me,

I’m tired of trying.  I’m tired of everything being so hard.  

I’m angry that I’m feeling like this and I don’t know how to change it.

I’m sad.  I’m sad about nothing.  I’m sad about everything.  Mostly I’m sad because I’ve forgotten what happiness feels like.

I’m worried that it’s going to be like this forever.  I’m worried that this is how it is now.

I’m lonely.  There’s only me fighting this battle and there’s no back up.  

I’m bitter that other people manage this.  I’m bitter that everyone else is doing great things and I’m sat in the car crying.  

I’m hurt that those that should care don’t.  I’m hurt that there’s no one reliable left.

I’m anxious about doing everything.  I’m so anxious I’ve stopped communicating with people I know altogether, and I’m sad because no one has noticed.

I’m frustrated that I can’t snap out of this.  I’m frustrated that it’s hard, and I’m trying my best, and it’s still hard.

I’m failing.  Failing at everything there is to fail at, and all the things there isn’t.  

I’m wrong.  This is not how I should be.  It’s not who I am.  It’s not what I want to be like.

I’m malfunctioning at life and I don’t know where the restart button is.  

I’m overwhelmed with life.  I’m overwhelmed by inner voice thwt keeps telling me I’m not doing it right, that I need to try harder, that I’m not good enough. 

I’m obsessed with social media which makes me feel bad.  I’m obsessed with my diet and the numbers on the scale.  I’m obsessed with how I’m stuck in a place I don’t want to be and I can’t get out of it.

I’m scared of what happens next.

Please help me.

A. Mess

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